Category Archives: gratitude

Old Friends

Once many years ago, a lady and her daughter came into my life. For a time, the mom was one of my two or three best friends; she helped me survive a divorce, the death of my beloved cat, Argenté, and the ups and downs of a difficult career. The daughter was in her teens, and she was fun and talented and she helped me stay young.

Eventually life moved the family across the country. Of course we talked sometimes, kept up with each other on Facebook and by phone, and I even visited them once. Then I moved to Europe, Daughter went to college and eventually became a grownup in her own right, and her mom wrote a new chapter in her life that included grandchildren, a very unpleasant divorce, selling one house and buying another, and surviving cancer. Needless to say, her whole life turned upside down. Through it all, we prayed for each other and cheered each other on.

This summer, these two lovely people came to visit me. My thoughts were mostly on seeing them again, but I was also very preoccupied with introducing them to Bruges, Brussels, Paris and Amsterdam. And naturally, I did.

We walked all over Brussels and watched Belgium win third place in the World Cup (soccer) and thoroughly delighted in the ensuing madness in the center of the city. We saw Bruges from the canal and watched the final of the World Cup in a Bruges café. We admired the impressionists in the Musée d’Orsay, searched for our favorites (and all-too-few wafts of cool air) in the Louvre, looked for books in Shakespeare and Company, photographed Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower from the Seine, and ate the dinner of our LIVES at a little, non-descript Paris café. We dodged bicycles in Amsterdam, fell in love anew with Van Gogh, oohed and ahhhed over Dutch architecture and windmills, and “relived our flaming youth” (thanks to another old friend for that glorious combination of words) by wading and soaking our feet in a fountain in the Museumplein. And a bonus, we stopped by to remember history at the Corrie Ten Boom House in Haarlem. On top of all that, they fell in love with Belgium and my wonderful new friends here.

At some point in the process, they both let me know that they loved seeing all this great stuff, but it wasn’t why they were here.

In fact, the reason they were here was to see me.

Pause for a moment to let that sink in. From the USA to Europe in coach class, one of them driving something like ten hours so they could fly together, and spending way more money than they should have, all to spend two days in Paris, two in the Netherlands, the rest in quirky little Belgium, and all with me.

We actually hung out at my house three or four of the precious few days they were here, forgoing visits to famous places, once in a lifetime visits for most Americans who make it even once to Europe. Why? Because they were tired, yes. But also because they were just happy to see me again. We cooked together, walked around my neighborhood, watched a movie on Netflix, and slept in the next day. We talked about life, about eternity, and about ourselves. We learned who we are now, after so many years (eight!) since the last time we saw each other. We reminded ourselves why we were friends.

God often reminds me of how blessed I am to have friends like these. Some live just up the road and spend lots of time with me or make me food or invite me to events. Others  must travel thousands of miles to come see me, one of them knowing she will have to take antihistamine every day because of her acute allergy to cats. They receive from me, too, of course. I am beyond grateful for them all, each having proven their love for me over the years.

In girl scouts there is a saying that becomes more relevant and important as I grow older:

Make new friends, and keep the old. One is silver, the other gold.

 

Remembering Gratitude

For most of my life, I have embraced gratitude. I have known that I am blessed beyond measure, that I have so much in terms of both tangibles and intangibles. I have had an interesting life; I have lived in and have traveled to a lot of great places, and as a result I have lovely and generous friends all over the US and in Europe. I have a dad who still thinks to look after me, even now, and I had wonderful relationships with my grandparents. I have, and have had for years, darling pets that bring me a lot of joy. I value the creativity God gave to me and to others. My car runs well, I have nice clothes, a great job, a comfortable place to live, music in my stereo and in my heart. My health has been good, and better still is my life in Christ; I sense His presence and I know He hears me when I pray. That is irrefutably a life to be thankful for.
So how is it then that I look around at all that, and what overwhelms me is the hole that is left where my mom used to be? My relationship with her was, from my earliest childhood, one of the very things for which I was grateful, every day. Even during my difficult and rebellious years, we talked and laughed and enjoyed being together. I am still profoundly thankful that we were such incredibly good friends. But almost all I see now, in spite of all of that and all the good that remains in my life, is the loss of her. It permeates everything. It refuses to be ignored or forgotten, even for a moment.
I teach my classes, and then my students leave, and the first thing I think as they are walking out the door is, “Mom.” I leave school, and I reach for my phone; I used to call her when I was on my way home. My pets do something funny, I laugh, and then while the laughter is still on my lips, I remember how she was with them, or worse, that she died before she met Maggie, my Maine Coon mix. I get an email with cute pictures of pets, and I want to send it to her. I hear a song, and it reminds me of her; I see an ad for a television show she liked or a movie I wanted her to see, and I think of her. There is practically nothing in my life that doesn’t remind me that she is gone.
Don’t get me wrong: I remain grateful for all that is beautiful in my life. I know there is so much, and I am mindful of it and of the One who provides for me. I will continue to thank Him for everything. I simply want to remember to be thankful that for all of my life, Mom was a great friend, that she is finally happy and truly whole, and in the Place all creation yearns for (Romans 8), and that I will be with her again one day. I hope that soon, the overarching theme of my life will again be gratitude, instead of this pervasive sadness that has been marking my days since she left.